Thursday, 13th May 2021

BMW drivers facing speed limiters promise they'll still be wankers

BMW drivers have assured the public that speed limiting technology will not stop them being tossers on the roads.

By 2022 speed limiters could force motorists to stay within the law, but owners of big, ostentatious BMWs say they have plenty of other tricks up their sleeves.

BMW 5 Series owner Stephen Malley said: “They may take our speed away but that doesn’t mean we stop owning the road.

“We can cut you off, drive right up your arse and pull away at traffic lights like we’re trying to achieve Mach 1. Or there’s simply looking like an arrogant arse as we cruise past your shitty little car on the motorway.

“I’ll only admit defeat when technology stops me cranking up the stereo so loud everyone on the high street can hear The Best of Genesis.”

An RAC spokesman said: “Speed limiters aren’t a magic solution to BMW drivers. We could ban BMWs but then the bastards would just buy an Audi.”