MORK from Ork will blast your face off unless you reduce your average fuel consumption to 62 miles per gallon, scientists have warned.
Experts said intelligent extra-terrestrials will detect increases in the Earth’s CO2 emissions and wipe us out because studies into 14 different species of intelligent extra-terrestrials have all confirmed that is exactly how they behave.
Environmental campaigners now say anyone who does not drive a randomly priced, hybrid car and bottle their own gas should be made to wear a placard reading ‘it was me’ and be pushed to the front when a vast fleet of interstellar deathships arrive at the end of next month.
Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “We now need to have a debate about whether angry alien genocide research is more terrifying than one of those book covers that has huge waves crashing against the middle of Big Ben.
“And it has surely got to be more effective than some fucking documentary called ‘The Last Gnu’ or ‘Cry Me a Desert’.”
He added: “My initial research confirms it is now imperative that we pinpoint a likely planet from whence our murderers will emanate and then publish painstakingly accurate drawings of what their flying saucers will definitely look like.
“We should also give them a name. I suggest ‘the Monbions’.”
Julian Cook, professor of alien vengeance at Roehampton University, said: “We know from ancient intergalactic records that the planet Harbalmabab was incinerated by the Jeebles because they failed to meet their domestic solar panel installation targets.
“I fear that space history may be about to repeat itself.”