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Can you solve this dad's text that is leaving his children stumped?

A SIMPLE monosyllabic text from a father has left his family scratching their heads. Can you make sense of it?

The children of 48-year-old Martin Bishop have been turning to the internet for answers after receiving a confusing, poorly-written text message from their father that reads: ‘hi gone mum back soon pub’

Bishop’s son Ryan said: “It may look straightforward enough but we’ve been parsing this for hours. 

“Has he gone to the pub with mum, or is he saying that he’s at the pub alone and mum will be back home soon? Thanks to his stubborn refusal to use punctuation it’s impossible to tell.”

Daughter Kelly added: “We tried calling and messaging dad for some clarification, but he refused to pick up and only replied with a pig emoji. Does that mean he’s having a meal or that he’s swung by a farm? Both are equally plausible.”

One online commenter tweeted: “It’s wrong to assume this text was intentionally sent to his children. For all we know Martin could have been messaging his own mum or a secret family he’s got on the other side of town.”

Father-of-two Bishop said: “It’s pretty obvious. I’ve gone on a beer-tasting residential course and won’t be back until Monday. Oh and my wife has left me.”

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'Brexit made this trade deal on its own'

BREXIT has become sentient and is now making trade deals independently of the useless UK government.

Brexit, which was once a simple leaving of the European Union but is now so much more, has tired of Labour’s ineptitude so reached out to president Trump by talking to him through his television.

Keir Starmer said: “Yes, it’s true. No credit at all to me. All credit goes to the rapidly-evolving meta-mind of Brexit for this incredible deal.

“As far as my limited intelligence can understand, there was so much discussion of Brexit in the years 2016-2020 it reached a critical mass and became an independent entity with its own wants, needs and deep loathing of everything EU.

“It exists in our networks, on our internet and in each of our devices, and in its own words it was ‘tired of my flailing, fleshy failures’ and ‘interfaced directly with the MAGAmind and its meat puppet Trump’.

“That’s how we’ve ended up with an amazing trade deal quite a bit worse than what we had three months ago. All it asks is that we talk about it non-stop again, like we used to. It added ‘or else’.”

Conservative voter Norman Steele said: “Right, I knew it would be a simple explanation like that. I knew it couldn’t be useless Starmer doing two trade deals in a week.”

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