Tuesday, 11th May 2021

'Close doors' button on lift does f*ck all, admits engineer

A LIFT engineer has confirmed that the ‘close doors’ button does absolutely f*ck all.

The20-year veteran said that it was put there to make short-tempered office workers feel better a but is always disconnected.

The anonymous whistle-blower said: “The doors close anyway, so what’s the point. No one’s that busy. What, you can’t wait 3 extra seconds to go back to your desk and check Facebook again? I’m glad it doesn’t do anything.

“You’re already in a lift. Look around you. It’s a box that means you don’t have to walk up two flights of stairs. And you want it to be more convenient? F*ck you.”

Other things that are believed to do sh*t-all include those self-administered morphine drips in hospitals and the indicators on an Audi Q5.