NOBODY knows what the flavour of Irn-Bru is supposed to be, it has emerged.
After five years researching the taste of Scotland’s favourite non-alcoholic drink, the best description experts could manage is ‘fizzy’.
Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “We didn’t set out to prove that it’s a bad drink because it’s not, it’s actually quite refreshing. Especially if you’ve got a hangover.
“We just wanted to find out what it’s flavour is. And we are totally stumped.
“Besides being fizzy, one might describe it as ‘orange without actually tasting like orange’, ‘lemonade without tasting like lemons’ and ‘sugary fire.’
“It’s good that such an ambiguous product can thrive in an era obsessed with food provenance.”
Former Irn-Bru factory worker Roy Hobbs believes the drink may be extra-terrestrial in origin.
“They have a warehouse and it’s full of these huge knobbly rusty-coloured fruit, like the pods in Invasion of the Body Snatchers. You can see things moving inside them.
“They get shoved into a pulping machine and Irn-Bru comes out. Nobody knows where they came from, people who ask questions tend to die soon afterwards.”