Lunar images reveal Buzz Aldrin's lost house keys

AMAZING new images of the moon’s surface have revealed Buzz Aldrin’s missing house keys.

The high-resolution photographs were taken by scientists at Arizona State University to determine whether the USA’s flags had survived harsh lunar conditions. But they also revealed a Snoopy key ring lying in the shadow of a moon rock.

Apollo 11 veteran Buzz Aldrin said: “I cannot believe my keys have turned up after all these years.

“During the mission I kept them on the outside of my suit in a kind of prototype bum bag. Because I’m the sort of astronaut that hates to lose things.

“On the day we were heading back to Earth I’d been out to get some rock samples. Shortly after blast off, I checked my bum bag and I was like ‘awww….shit…’

“I told Neil we had to go back and get my keys, otherwise I couldn’t get in my house. He reluctantly agreed but mission control were having none of it.

“When I returned to Earth I had to get a locksmith out and it cost a small fortune. I’d still like to get those keys back, there’s one for a really good bike lock on there.”

A NASA spokesman said: “A future moon mission may be able to pick up Buzz’s keys, if they get time and are in the area. But we can’t promise.

“Also apparently one of the Apollo 16 guys left his favourite hat in the moon region of Descartes Highlands. It’s not exactly a priority though.”



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Queen becomes new face of Iceland

QUEEN Elizabeth II has been unveiled as the new face of frozen food retailer Iceland.

The announcement follows the 86-year-old monarch’s appearance at the Olympics opening ceremony pretending to jump out of a helicopter with James Bond.

A spokesman for the retailer explained: “We never thought she’d be interested, but after seeing her in a hokey action film parody we thought it would be worth a go, and it turns out she’s up for whatever.

“Cuts in royal funding have made the Queen rethink her media strategy and her attitude towards Mini Banoffee Bites.

“That’s why Ma’am goes to Iceland.”

The forthcoming Iceland adverts will portray the Queen as being fed up with foie gras and quails eggs, and gagging for cheap sausage rolls.

She puts on a balaclava and clambers down the chimney of Stacey Solomon’s house, where a working class party is under way.

The spokesman said: “The ironic twist is that Fergie has already stolen the party platters after infiltrating the party as a waitress.

“But the Queen throws her crown –  like a kind of royal ninja shuriken star – and the spiky bits stick in Fergie’s back, dropping the greedy ginger Duchess like a sack of potatoes.

“Stacey and the Queen bond over Fergie’s painful demise and have a laugh together over mouthfuls of reasonably-priced brown food.”

Other Queen-based media concepts currently in development include reality TV show The Only Way Is Balmoral, a pop collaboration with Calvin Harris and getting the Queen to play one of her ancestors on Horrible Histories.