Man overestimated by targeted advertising

A MAN is suing Google for persistently misrepresenting him as an affluent, cultured individual.

Despite the copious personal data available via his Gmail account, Chrome browser and searches, Google has refused to drop its insistence that pipe-fitter Nathan Muir regularly attends the theatre and listens to the music of Miles Davis.

He said: “I send long emails to friends about my love for the Lethal Weapon quadrilogy. I’ve got an Amazon wishlist full of Macc Lads albums, and all I do on YouTube is watch Magnum PI.

“But click on Yahoo! News and what are the ads? The Royal Opera House’s upcoming production of Orphee et Eurydice.

“I’m so desperate for low-down, dirty cookies that reflect the true me, I’ve even liked UKIP on Google+.”

The problem is even worse on social media, where Facebook believes Muir ready to invest in Dubai property and Twitter continually promotes tweets about improving his search engine rankings in New York.

A Google spokesman said: “Our algorithms know Mr Muir better than he does.

“If they say he is a high-flying art collector who enjoys avant-garde jazz then he is, and he’s henceforward barred from accessing anything that contradicts that.

“We are not wrong. We are Google.”

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Office worker excited about impending 'trickle down' of wealth

ADMINISTRATOR Wayne Hayes is eagerly waiting to feel the benefits of Britain’s economic growth.

Hayes believes the increase in UK output will result in him becoming wealthier, having to work less hard and possibly gaining the love of a beautiful woman.

He said: “I know the so-called ‘trickle down effect’ is going to come any day now, and when it does I’m quids in.

“There’s no way my boss isn’t going to share the wealth, after all I’m only on 13k at the minute which he must feel pretty bad about.

“I’m not sure whether they pay the money straight into my account, or whether pound coins literally trickle through the roof like water from a burst pipe.

“Probably I will pocket the initial massive pay rise then move on to one of the exciting new jobs created by the upturn, like horror film director or test pilot.”

He added: “I told my hot friend Liz we should go out for a meal to celebrate the rise in industrial productivity but she said no. She’ll soon change her tune when I get my Ferrari.”