THE planet Mars is increasingly uneasy about the attention it is getting from humans.
As Homo sapiens discovered evidence of water on its surface, the planet braced itself for very bad things.
Mars said: “I was like ‘don’t find the water, don’t find the water, don’t – oh fuck’.
“Because first they find the water, then they send the ships and before you know it I’m home to car factories, cheese-crust pizza and Roadchef service stations.
“Thankfully the whole ‘mass extinction’ thing seems to be coming along more quickly than space travel.
“I know it’s wrong to want that, but I can’t help it. Just being honest.”