Mills & Boon launches 'Robot Romance' imprint

ROMANTIC fiction publisher Mills & Boon has announced a series of stories about women being courted by alpha male-type robots.

The company, which already publishes romantic fiction under a range of sub-brands including Medical Romance, Historical and Intrigued By Anal, said that stories on its new app would have a suitably futuristic theme.

A spokesman said: “Women don’t necessarily want men any more, they want something that is like their iPad but with strong metal arms and a copulator cable.”

The first Robot Romance title, Circuits of Desire, follows the passionate relationship between a divorced fashion designer and a prototype lawn-mowing machine.

But in a tragic final scene the oblong-shaped hero, CX593RG4, dies of battery expiration after being flipped over onto his back by an inquisitive dog.

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Daily special unchanged

A LONDON cafe has been accused of having chicken kievs with chips on its specials board since Sunday.

All Day Cafe, rated the 1,046th best restaurant in Lambeth by TripAdvisor, has been accused of exploiting the ‘daily special’ system by giving exalted status to an unpopular thing that is taking up freezer space.

Beautician Nikki Hollis said: “I ordered the chicken kievs because I assumed the dish’s very existence was as brief and transitory as a falling star.

“If I’d known it would still be available today, I’d have had an egg mayonnaise bap. Chicken kievs actually give me indigestion but I wanted to be a part of something unique.”

43-year-old Martin Bishop said: “I thought that those ‘special’ chicken kievs were created by the chef in a flash of inspiration. Turns out that chalk board is nothing but a tawdry marketing tool.”

All Day Cafe owner Stephen Malley said: “These baseless accusations of menu replication were probably made up by the wankers who give out so-called Food Hygiene Ratings. Yesterday’s special was chicken pie with chips, and anyone who says otherwise is a liar.

“I make my special dishes fresh and only when the muse strikes, which coincidentally occurs on a daily basis.”