Most daydreams about something perverted

DAYDREAMERS are mostly thinking about sordid sex things.

Research by the Institute for Studies found that daydreams were generally about not the whimsical things you might expect.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: “You might expect the daydreamer to be wondering what life would be like as a seagull, or imagining themselves as a World War II fighter pilot facing impossible odds.

“Actually they’re just thinking about tits, or cocks.”

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Mention of 'Miranda' triggers brief interest in Guardian story

BRITONS have been disappointed to discover the Guardian’s ‘Miranda story’ is not about their favourite comedian.

47-year-old Mary Fisher said: “I thought perhaps the government had banned amiable antics-based comedy.

“Also I wanted to read more about the woman behind the pratfalls.

“Turns out it’s a story about computer files. What a waste of time.

“I hate misleading headlines, there should be a law against them, or at least a way of detaining the perpetrators indefinitely.”