Tuesday, 11th May 2021

New Apple headphones block out people laughing at you

APPLE’S new AirPods Max headphones are capable of blocking out people laughing at you for paying £549 for them, it has emerged.

The overpriced headphones contain revolutionary new mockery-cancelling technology that is capable of drowning out the hooting of strangers and friends.

AirPods Max wearer Tom Logan said: “At first I thought they looked ridiculous and were a rip-off. For the eye-watering price you could almost afford an iPhone 12.

“But when I slipped them over my ears the cutting remarks of my family simply drifted away. I’ve been waiting years for someone to invent something that could do that.

“I can still see them pointing at me in hysterics with tears rolling down their laughing faces, and thanks to my new lip-reading skills I know my wife’s calling me an early-adopting idiot, so they’re not quite perfect.

“If Apple could just make a device that quietens the voice in my head that says I’m a gullible spendthrift they’d be onto a winner. I’d pay absolutely anything for that.”