Period-tracking app lets boyfriend know when he will be a selfish arsehole

AN APP which tracks his partner’s menstrual cycle is helping a man predict when he will be an insensitive dick who thinks only of himself. 

Nathan Muir downloaded the £2.99 app so he would have an advance warning of those periods when everything he does is unbearable and repulsive.

He said: “It’s better that it’s not so out of the blue, you know? Like I walk in one night and suddenly I’m a complete bastard.

“Now, I see on my phone that I’m just an intolerable, smug wanker from Thursday, fading into just being a inconsiderate fuckhead by the weekend, and I can plan around it.

“These apps must have saved tens of thousands of men from becoming trapped in arguments they don’t, and will never, understand.

“I get that alert and I go to watch a film on my own or to a mate’s or even my mum’s. It’s great to be in a mature relationship where I can avoid all conflict as a matter of course.”

Girlfriend Ellie said: “Or, he could just ask how I am.”