Reasons why people get depressed in winter fairly obvious

RESEARCHERS into seasonal affective disorder believe it may be caused by everything being dark, cold and awful for months on end.

Neurologists believe the phenomenon of winter-based depression may be triggered by the season’s utterly dreadful nature.

Dr Mary Fisher said: “We thought it might be something to do with serotonin and neurotransmitters, but then I just looked at a picture of winter in the UK. It is horrible.

“Going home from work when it is pretty much dark, bent double against the wind trying to bite off your face and then coming home to find the boiler has packed in, these things can feasibly get one down.

“There was a brief moment of elation at the discovery but I do feel pretty miserable now, just thinking what it’s going to be like.

“Our laboratory building is quite nice too, with big windows. But imagine if you lived in Luton or somewhere like that, I don’t reckon I could handle it.”

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Someone always has to be difficult, confirm scientists

NEW research has found that in any situation involving multiple humans one of them will be deliberately uncooperative.

The Institute for Studies examined groups of people in every conceivable context, from a family dinner to a simulated nuclear disaster.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: “In each scenario there was one person who wanted everything their way, which was the precise opposite of what everyone else wanted.

“For example in the simulated nuclear disaster aftermath, after considerable difficulty the group snared a rabbit which was their first meal for a week.

“However one fucker refused to eat the resulting meal because ‘rabbit is technically a red meat and I only really eat chicken’, necessitating the preparation of some nettle soup specially for them.”

Martin Bishop, who took part in the study said: “Pissing everyone off is better than getting no attention at all, in my mind at least.”

Difficult behaviour dates back to prehistory, with cave paintings depicting one member of a group being awkward about crossing a river and the others accommodating him but then getting eaten by wild animals as a result.