SCOTLAND is capitalising on being the site of the first act of copulation with a new slogan and flag.
Fossil evidence has shown a fish called Microbrachius dicki, whose name is still used as an insult in Glasgow, invented intercourse more than 385 million years ago in a Scottish loch.
Scotland Secretary Alistair Carmichael said: “Scotland has always been one of the world’s sexiest countries, and now we know why.
“The rebranding will replace the cross on the Saltire with a stylised representation of those two fish boning each other Devonian-style, over the Latin ‘Patriam stupri’.
“The Trossachs National Park will become a major sex-themed attraction taking visitors from the prehistoric moment when it first went in to a live erotic version of the Highland games.
“Anyone who isn’t satisfied by all that can then wander around in the sexually charged rain while sucking on some butter tablet, the world’s most sensual snack.”