Obvious drug users ‘just out for a walk’ in field known for magic mushrooms

A GROUP of caners spotted in a Welsh valley noted for psilocybin mushrooms have claimed they were just getting some fresh air.

24-year-old Emma Bradford, whose vaguely Tibetan hat indicates an interest in recreational drugs, said: “Although we may look furtive and deeply suspicious, me and my friends are just having a nice stroll.

“We brought plastic bags just in case we see some pretty non-endangered flowers to pick.

“That’s because we like to make dried flowers into nice art pictures for our elderly relatives.”

Bradford’s friend ‘Rat’ strenuously denied any interest in hallucinogenic fungi: “I’ve never heard of magic mushrooms and even if I had I would not be into them because those things can completely overwhelm your mind with mental visuals.

“I imagine.”

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Liverpool victory just Raheem Sterling's dream

LIVERPOOL’S 3-2 victory against QPR only happened in striker Raheem Sterling’s sleeping mind, the FA has confirmed.

The Liverpool player was found curled up in a corner of his team’s net shortly after kick-off, snoring gently like a little dormouse.

Manager Brendan Rodgers said: “With these afternoon kick-offs, Raheem’s so excited all day that when the game starts he’s exhausted.

“He’d made himself a little nest from the netting and some thrown toilet roll, and nobody wanted to wake him to change ends so we called it a draw.”

The 18,000 spectators elected to remain in the stadium after play was abandoned, oooohing and aaahing as adorable expressions crossed Sterling’s face.

Liverpudlian Tom Logan said: “Look, he’s kicking his little legs and smiling. He must be dreaming that he’s created two winning goals in an extra-time thriller.”