Honey Monster has diabetes

THE Honey Monster is suffering from type 2 diabetes, it has emerged.

Once the smiling face of Sugar Puffs, Honey Monster can now be seen injecting himself with insulin on the cereal’s redesigned box.

Honey Monster’s girlfriend Mary Fisher said: “He’s a 57-year-old marketing conceit and his hedonistic, sugar-heavy lifestyle is inevitably starting to catch up with him.

“While we all admire his commitment to the product, his hankering for the sugary cereal has become an addiction.

“We never talk any more, he only ever seems to talk to express a desire for more Sugar Puffs. Ten bowls are not enough for him.

“Last month he sold our bed on Gumtree just to get cereal.”

Fisher’s worst fear is that Honey Monster could end up like Cookie Monster, who was found dead in a seedy motel with a half a cookie clutched in his lifeless blue paw.

“It’s actually very irresponsible to brand a creature as being a ‘monster’ for a certain product, because then they try to live up to their own mythology – with tragic results.”

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Ed Miliband is unpaid intern

LABOUR leader Ed Miliband is still technically on work experience and has yet to receive a wage.

The 44-year-old began working for Gordon Brown in 2007 to pad out his CV with some non-profit work and has been there ever since.

He said: Apparently Im doing very well but there just isnt the budget to take anyone on.

Instead they keep moving me to new positions MP, energy secretary, Leader of the Opposition and tell me if I make a name for myself I could get a paying job next year.

What if I win? I cant be prime minister and still do my shifts at Dominos. Giorgio has said, and hes the manager.

Id leave, but Harriet Harman says if I go now she wont give me a reference and itll look like Ive been in prison.

Labour peer Lord Alli said: Miliband? Oh yeah, the workie.

Have you seen him today? He is supposed to be fetching my Starbucks.