A FAMILY’S Waitrose delivery contained a massive loudmouthed spider with old-fashioned sexist views.
Architect Stephen Malley described the spider as ‘working class but not in a nice friendly way like the postman’.
He said: “I opened a bag of organic fruit and this gravelly voice said ‘alright mate, what’s for tea?’
“I had no idea what this meant until my life partner Helen explained that ‘tea’ is a working class colloquialism for supper.
“Then it said Helen had a ‘smashing pair of tits’. I told her to immediately remove the children to their grandmother’s.”
After failing to pluck up the courage to hit the working class spider with a rolled-up Observer, Malley called pest control experts who coaxed it into a cage designed to look like a small Wetherspoon pub.
Malley said: “This thing was horrible, it sounded like Danny Dyer and kept talking about ‘getting some fanny’ and asking me for ‘a gram of nosebag’.
“This is not the sort of thing you expect from Waitrose. It was more of an Asda type creature.”