Banks unveil next year’s bailout

THE UK’s banks have announced their multi-billion pound government bailout for March next year.

The British Bankers’ Association confirmed that six banks will require billions in public funds to stay afloat following disastrous investments and systematic mismanagement.

A spokesman said: “What I think threw a lot of people about the last bailout was how sudden it was, so we thought it would polite to give you a warning.

“The current stock market slide is the beginning of a catastrophic meltdown that will see the economy brought to its knees in six months, so if you could start getting the money together.


The timing of the collapse and bailout means that the 2014 bonuses will not be affected.

Helen Archer of Durham said: “I just hope the government’s got enough in the coffers to help out.

“It’s not the banks’ fault they go bust every eight years.”