Scientists find car made of dinosaur bones

ARCHAEOLOGISTS working in the Amazon basin have found the remains of a crude car made from dinosaur bones, with stone cylinders for wheels.

While experts have long understood that Stone Age man developed basic tools and weapons, the discovery of a prehistoric vehicle could prompt a radical reassessment of how he lived.

Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “It is very definitely a sort of car, there are even fragments of mammoth skin attached to a sort of bone canopy which would have been its roof.

“What’s interesting though is that, despite being very obviously designed to look like a car, on a practical level it is worse than useless.

“Without an engine or any obvious means of propulsion the only way of getting it anywhere would have been to get inside its floorless frame and physically lift it.

“The enormous weight and unwieldy shape of the machine would have made the ‘driver’ extremely vulnerable to predators.”

He added: “Similarly enigmatic is the car’s use of brontosaurus, pterodactyl and sabre-toothed tiger bones.

“It has previously been considered inconceivable that these creatures would have co-existed with each other, leave alone mankind.

“This find poses more questions than it answers. It is perhaps the most enigmatic archaeological discovery since 1993, when a team working in Patagonia found a 65 million year-old camera-shaped stone box containing the bones of a tiny sharp-beaked bird and a carved tablet showing four homo sapiens standing against a picturesque backdrop.”


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Liverpool sticking with 'Uruguayan racism is really friendly'

LIVERPOOL’S defence of banned striker Luis Suarez will continue to be based on a strict interpretation of Uruguayan semantics.

Suarez has been banned for eight matches after what Liverpool described as a ‘cultural snafu’ between their striker and Manchester United’s Patrice Evra.

A spokesman said: “If he was Argentinean and he came out with that sort of unpleasantness we’d have kicked his buttocks all the way back to Buenos Aires.

“But Luis is Uruguayan and therefore not capable of what you think of as racism. In Uruguayan, the term ‘negro’ means ‘lovely friend’. Unfortunately not everyone speaks fluent Uruguayan.

“So, in fact, Luis was actually telling Patrice that because of all the shoving they were now ‘lovely friends forever’ and hoped that, at the end of the season, they could perhaps go on a fishing holiday together .

“And then he said it another nine times.”

The spokesman added: “And also, we are Liverpool. We are a lovely, cheeky, cuddly left-wing football club that takes everyone at face value and then makes a wonderful, pithy joke about our shared humanity.”

An FA spokesman said: “We’re assuming Suarez’s appeal will involve the Uruguayan ambassador and a group of indigenous tribes people playing unusual wind instruments. So that’s something to look forward to.

“In the meantime, it would be a lot easier if everyone just stuck to calling Patrice Evra an arsehole.”