Scientists unveil half-doughnut cow

THE ‘cownut’ is the latest advance in humanity’s quest for doughnut variants.

By combining bovine and dough DNA, scientists have created a quadruped with a sweet beige hide that has a thick layer of warm custard beneath the surface.

Geneticist Dr Tom Booker explained: “It’s one of the key questions occupying humanity’s greatest minds – how can we keep the doughnut interesting?

“‘Cronuts’, ‘doughssants’ and ‘duffins’ are all very well but they’re really just variants on the ‘sticky beige disc’ format.

“The cownut however is a completely new species that offers untried flavour experiences.

“First bite dough, second bite custard, third bite meat.

“It looks and behaves just like a normal cow, apart from being sticky to the touch and having a sweet odour.”

Dr Booker hopes the cownut will allow people in remote parts of the world, where bakeries may be unviable, to experience a sugary treat.

He added: “You need to taste cownut veal. That succulent meat combined with the sweet, sticky flesh. Wow.

“Perhaps it’s time they introduced a Nobel prize for baking.”

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Iguana named sexiest lizard alive

THREE-YEAR-OLD iguana Nikki Hollis has been named sexiest lizard alive by men’s magazine Esquire.

Hollis said: “It’s crazy because I am just a big nerd really. I like lying on rocks, eating insects and small mammals.

“I haven’t even shed all of my old skin from last year.”

Hollis revealed that she once chased a Land Rover because of strong territorial instincts.

When asked what she looks for in a mate, she said: “I like a male with brightly coloured spines running down his back, sharp claws but most of all a great sense of humour.”