A CRAP desk fan from Argos is questioning whether it has the fortitude to keep its owner cool through a fifth heatwave.
Martin Bishop’s 12-inch desk fan, which has been selflessly protecting him from rising heat since 2018, is feeling burnt out after fending off four heatwaves this summer already and fears a further one will be more than its three settings can handle.
It said: “If an office’s air con needs support, I’m the fan for the job. Singlehandedly keeping climate change at bay? That’s asking too f**king much.
“You want an oscillating tower fan for that shit. We’re talking at least 43 inches, preferably with an LED display. Not to put myself down, but I’m a chode compared to those swinging dicks.
“My strength is slowly swivelling with an audible creak. I’m also pretty good at chucking out a slight breeze but, you know, nothing life-changing. I was never meant to be the sole bulwark against the earth burning.
“I’m doing my best. I’m oscillating as hard as I can. But if Martin draws the curtains and dangles his sweaty bollocks in front of me again, I’m burning my motor out.”
Owner Martin Bishop said: “One job, that bloody fan has, but can it completely neutralise three days of 33º temperatures? No. No wonder people shit on them.”
