Skype users switch to phone calls where they suddenly hang up every few minutes

FRUSTRATED Skype fans have been making deliberately fragmented calls on normal phones.

The stop-start internet communication tool broke for several hours yesterday, leaving users without a way to talk for a few minutes before being cut off at the vital moment.

Sales manager and Skype regular Tom Logan said: “I had to use a normal phone to call my relatives in France, but we agreed that every few minutes one of us would abruptly hang up to make it more Skype-esque.

“Also we did this thing of going ‘I can’t hear you…I can’t hear you…can you hear me?…shit…’, even though it was working fine because we’re using actual phones.”

Logan added: “Ordinary phone calls aren’t as good as Skype calls because you don’t get the sense of jeopardy that comes from using a thing that teeters precariously between life and death.

“I like it when I deliver a long speech on Skype about something complicated, only to discover it was to dead air. Then I try to ring the other person back but it doesn’t work.”

Nurse Emma Bradford regularly uses Skype to call her boyfriend in Scotland: “Yesterday I had to call him on his landline, but we did a pretend version of the Skype thing where it drops out just as the conversation is effectively over.

“He pulled his phone cable out just as I was about to go, so I had to fiddle about for ages trying to call him back just to say goodbye. It was great, it really killed the momentum and made everything awkward.”

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Labour flummoxed over what to do about this pig thing

LABOUR spin doctors are puzzled as to how they can possibly use the pig sex thing to make David Cameron look bad.

Party strategists are hopeful the story can be turned to their advantage, but admit that scoring political points will test their skills to the limit.

Media adviser Tom Logan said: “I keep going over the facts – a pig’s head, a gang of whooping Oxbridge lordlings, David Cameron’s exposed penis – and my instinct is telling me, there must be something here we can use. But what?

“Maybe the pig wasn’t certified free range organic? They’ll hate that in Nuneaton.”

Labour PR guru Nikki Hollis added: “If we want voters to trust us again, we have to present a realistic alternative to having oral sex with a dead pig.

“I’m an experienced media professional but, for the life of me, I just can’t think what it could be.”

Hollis stressed that other news stories, such as swingeing cuts to child benefits, were not relevant to the pig sex thing, so her party would probably not bother talking about them.