35-year-old mocked for own-brand Hula Hoops

A 35-YEAR-OLD man is the laughing stock of his office after being seen eating supermarket own-brand Hula Hoops at his desk. 

Tom Logan, a sales manager with a company Audi, was spotted with a packet of Asda Meaty Variety Potato Loops shortly before 11am, with the news reaching everyone in head office by 11.04am and all regional offices by 11.10am.

Logan said: “I hadn’t even finished them when Mark from audit asked me to ‘keep him in the potato loop’ about the new contracts, snickering.

“Then Kelly asked about official company policy on prawn shells, cheese curls or potato discs and I knew something was up.

“When I entered the canteen and saw Warren with Hula Hoops on all his fingers saying ‘Look at me, I’m a millionaire!’ I realised my mistake.

“By the afternoon even the work experience was cracking jokes about the ‘meaty variety stink’ around my desk.

“I shall only eat branded crisps from now on. My peers have spoken.”

Colleague Eleanor Shaw said: “And did you see his trainers on casual Friday? Gola. Gaylord trainers.”

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Cameron spends relaxing day at home, laughing

DAVID Cameron only moved off his sofa yesterday to go to the fridge, he confirmed.

The prime minister is serving his notice by replying to the occasional email and filling his Outlook calendar with Working From Home appointments between now and October.

Cameron said; “I flicked on Sky News and apparently there was some unpleasantness yesterday which is absolutely none of my business anymore.

“What’s really lovely is that while everybody is shouting at this pack of wolverines wreaking havoc in a nursing home, they seem to have forgotten it was me that unleashed them in the first place.

“I might spend today in a Wetherspoons, I’ve heard they are quite fun. Such is the shortness of the public’s memory I’m confident nobody will know who I am.”

He added: “How many Wotsits can you fit in your mouth? I managed eighteen yesterday while I was watching Nadine Dorries cry.”