Voter wishes we could just once have woman leader who didn’t openly despise us

A VOTER who would in theory cheer on a female prime minister would prefer one who did not hate us. 

Helen Archer of Hereford believes that having a woman in power boosts all women, or would if the woman in question were not always a flint-eyed despot ready to imprison us all on principle.

She said: “I mean, it’s not impossible. Look at Nicola Sturgeon.

“She is simultaneously a woman and a person capable of responding to other human beings with actual warmth, not cold loathing and a determination to find out what they’ve done wrong and punish them for it.

“Unfortunately here in England we’re once again faced with a step forward for feminism being three to four steps back for humanity, whose rights Theresa May is actively campaigning on stripping away.”

She added: “It’s not just the right. Harriet Harman would cheerfully run over and reverse back over anyone in the way of her progressive agenda, and Hillary Clinton is a velociraptor in skin.

“Then again, my promotion to office supervisor was immediately followed by three months of vicious, bloody revenge on everyone who’d wronged me. Guess it’s our nature.”

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Last ‘Keep Calm and Carry On’ poster ripped off wall

EVERY last poster, mug and T-shirt bearing the ‘Keep Calm and Carry On’ slogan has been destroyed in frustrated rage, it has emerged.

The wartime poster, which amused Britons during less turbulent times, has over the last week transformed into a taunting reminder of past complacency.

42-year-old Nathan Muir said: “Keep calm? Keep fucking calm?

“It’s no wonder they never used this bastard at the time. The last thing people in 1939 needed were forehead lacerations from headbutting a glass frame, like I got last night.

“I’ll carry on, given the lack of other options, but you can forget about keeping calm. ‘Keep your boiling rage from overflowing more than twice a day’, maybe. Maybe.”

The manufacturers of the original ‘Keep Calm’ poster have confirmed that, in the face of the backlash, they are to reproduce ‘Slaughter Every Last Nazi’, a morale-boosting poster originally printed in 1943.