Samsung tops list of baby names

A STUDY of baby names has highlighted the trend for naming children after popular brands.

Samsung is currently the most popular name for a boy or a girl, closely followed by Nescafe, Adidas and Kentucky Fried Chicken.

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “The fashion for celebrity-inspired names has subsided, parents want something that is more original but can still be gotten from a magazine with minimal effort.

“Also brand names are mostly non-gender specific, and can be written as words or a logo, which is handy if you aren’t great at spelling.”

Emma Bradford named her son Durex after the condom that split on the night he was conceived.

She said: “It sounds trendy and space-age, like a martian prince. Also it will serve him as a reminder that no contraception is 100% reliable.

“If he decides he doesn’t like Durex, he can always use his middle name, Beats By Dre.”

Professor Brubaker predicts that the desire for original baby names will eventually lead parents to abandon conventional language.

He said: “We’ll see more kids called things like Xythltx794, or even just being nameless but identified by a specific item that they have to carry about with them, for example a 70s swivel chair.”

 

 

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Angelina Jolie to marry Justin Theroux

SCREEN siren Angelina Jolie is to help herself to Justin Theroux, her spokesman has announced.

The romance began on Monday when Jolie saw Theroux’s handsome face in a newspaper, above a celebrity news story about something irrelevant.

Summoning a minion, she tapped the image with a sensual crimson talon and said: “I want this one. Bring him.”

Within an hour Jolie’s team of winged, bisexual eunuchs had snatched Theroux from a party in Los Angeles, carrying him off like muscular birds of prey as fellow guests looked on aghast.

Theroux was relocated to the actress’s sexorium, a giant sex-themed perspex globe atop Jolie’s LA residence, where she sits on a black leather throne presiding over pools of baby oil teeming with writhing, gossamer-clad nymphs.

A Hollywood source said: “Angie has the only key and the exit is guarded by a sex midget with steel teeth.”

Jolie’s former paramour, the actor Brad Pitt, has agreed to continue cohabiting with the actress as a hapless underling.

His job will be to hold a giant palm leaf and waft cooling air over Jolie and Theroux as they are in the throes of passion.

 

 

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