Sunday, 25th October 2020

87 per cent of English people think Scotland is mythical

THE majority of English people think Scotland is a make-believe land of snow and monsters, it has emerged.

Researchers found that very few people have bothered travelling beyond Carlisle, believing that a few miles after junction 42 the M6 goes off a cliff into the sea.

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “It turns out the reason Scotland is ignored by the English in everything from politics to football is because they don’t think it’s real.

“It exists in their minds as a fantastical world full of strange beasts, vicious savages and a cruel, endless winter, sort of like Game of Thrones but with Irn-Bru.

“In fact, most English people said they think Scotland is less likely to be real than Harry Potter, The Dark Crystal, Terry Pratchett books and every single Disney film ever made.

“If you point it out on a map they’ll say there must have been a printing error. They refuse to accept it exists, even if you offer them a Tunnock’s Tea Cake.”

Glasgow resident Tom Logan said: “Thank f*ck for that. We don’t want them all coming here when they realise England has gone tits up.”