A COMMITTED atheist who has blocked his friend’s toilet has called upon the mercy of the Lord, he has admitted.
Joe Turner caused the blockage the day after enjoying a huge roast washed down with loads of red wine, and having exhausted all practical options has turned to the spiritual world.
He said: “Please, oh Lord, if you’re really there send me a miracle. Or at least something long and pokey like a barbecue fork.
“Ben can’t find out the truth about what happened here. He cannot know the foul deeds I perform in his bathroom. Help me in my hour of need.
“Reveal yourself to me, your humble servant, and I swear I will spread your teachings like St Paul after his conversion. Oh God, he’s coming up the stairs. Lord. Please.”
God said: “I appreciate the sentiment. But it’s never going to make an inspiring parable, is it?”