Being poor 'just keeps getting better'

BEING poor is a right laugh, according to people without any money.

As it emerged that many poor people’s council tax bills are set to rise, people living in poverty responded with characteristic glee.

Unemployed Roy Hobbs said: “I love how I’m just getting poorer and poorer.

“Not having any money gives you a lot of freedom because you’re never tempted to buy anything.”

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Customer feedback suggests customers want to be left the f*ck alone

CONSUMERS hate being constantly asked for feedback, according to feedback data.

Companies’ culture of asking for feedback on even the most minor transaction has resulted in a mountain of paperwork which basically boils down to ‘fuck off’.

Customer experience consultant Emma Bradford said: “Ninety eight percent percent of them resented even being asked to think about their purchase of car insurance.

“That’s out of the tiny proportion who didn’t immediately delete our numerous emails or tell our telecanvassers to get proper jobs.

“This is really interesting feedback. But I think before we can draw any conclusions we should ask those people for more feedback.

“Then ask them for feedback on how we asked for feedback.”

Father-of-two Stephen Malley said: “I rang my electricity company and spoke to someone for thirty seconds, now they’re asking me how I felt about it.

“The answer is I feel nothing about that experience. Precisely nothing.

“My message to companies is to assume everything’s fine unless I’ve actually called you and shouting ‘bastards’ at you repeatedly.”