THE biggest dickhead you grew up with is now claiming to be a mixed martial arts fighter.
The Institute for Studies found that the boy you remember from school as being aggressive and cocky, if not especially hard, is now boasting about doing MMA.
Humorless wannabe Martin Bishop said: “Having been to a couple of lessons in MMA at my local gym, I feel entitled to bully people and brag about my hardness.
“Even if I lose every fight I have I can still tell people I’m an MMA fighter and they’re sure to be scared of me.
“Don’t get me wrong, I’m in it for the discipline too – the discipline of pinning someone to the floor and punching their teeth out while the echoes of school bullies taking the piss ring in my ears.
“Anyway I’ve already bought the gloves and shorts so I’ve got to become a fighter now.”
He added: “I like to say, ‘I’m a cage fighter, even though I don’t fight cages!’. Fucking cracks me up.”