A STRIKE by Britain’s binmen could force rubbish to stay in neat piles
instead of being flung all over the place willy-nilly,
it was claimed last night.
As unions ballot their members on industrial action, the country is bracing itself for months of unblemished streets and hedges as binmen set up litter-strewn picket lines and stand around braziers that have to be exactly the right colour or they can’t go near them.
The strike ballot was organised after council bosses tried to enforce
new regulations that would have limited binmen to causing a maximum of
12 serious biological hazards per shift.
A Unison spokesman said: “Restricting a a highly-qualified binman to a dozen disease-spreading incidents a day is like asking a bird not to fly.”
In an echo of 1978 Britain is facing a new ‘Winter of Discontent’ with families having to toss manky, fungus-covered tangerines and rancid pork chops over their own
driveways, or be forced to hire a team of private seagulls at £75 an
hour.
Meanwhile binologist Wayne Hayes warned that unless the dispute is resolved, millions of people will no longer know what brand of condoms their neighbour is using or be able to wonder why the condom was that unusual colour and what it was doing in a freezer bag.
He added: “If everyone’s life isn’t festooning the pavement like some rotting Christmas decoration we could be facing a winter of minding your own fucking business.”
