'Brexiteer' confirmed as most ludicrous English word so far

‘BREXITEER’ is the most ridiculous English word yet created, experts have confirmed.

The Institute for Studies said that ’Brexiteer’ was more ludicrous than ‘glamping’, ‘velfie’ and ‘starchitect’ and that Britain should be embarrassed and ashamed for allowing the word to exist.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: “If rappers were middle-class white people from the home counties, they would call their kids ‘Brexiteer’.

“As far as we understand ‘Brexiteers’ themselves love the word. Perhaps they like to imagine themselves as ‘buccaneers’, with a cutlass and an earring and a fancy hat.”

With the referendum now over some have questioned whether the word can survive in the long term.

Professor Brubaker added: “I suspect it will live on in Scotland, Liverpool, Manchester and Bristol where it’s already become a visceral term of abuse.”

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Entire country decides to leave things half-finished and f**k off

BRITONS have been inspired to just abandon what they were doing and fuck off.

The nation has concluded that if something involves hassle then giving up is the right thing to do.

Ice cream van operator Roy Hobbs said: “I was selling a child an ice cream but got sick of him counting out his change, so I took 20p, gave him an empty cone and drove off.”

Mum-of-two Donna Sheridan said: “I usually drive my son the whole 10 miles to primary school, but today I didn’t feel like it so I left him halfway and went to the hairdresser.

“He wasn’t happy but he’s learnt the valuable life lesson that you don’t need to finish anything you started. Who knows, one day he might be a successful politician.”

She added: “Tonight my husband’s taking me for a lovely romantic meal but couldn’t be arsed to book anywhere good so we’re going to Chicken Cottage.”

Builder Norman Steele said: “I finished building a house today. There’s no roof, windows or doors so the owners will just have to wear waterproofs and look out for burglars.”