Friday, 28th February 2020

Bristol and Brighton 'the same place'

THE cities of Bristol and Brighton have been discovered to be a single place. 

The city, which is posh, by the sea, and full of people who do London-type jobs, smoke weed, are radically left-wing and DJ as a hobby, has managed to get away with the subterfuge for centuries by using two different names.

A team of land surveyors realised the supposedly geographically separate areas were one and the same when comparing maps, confirming that the ‘Bristol’ bit is just slightly further inland.

Resident and hobbyist DJ Julian Cook said: “Bloody hell. Rumbled. I suppose someone was always going to realise there couldn’t be two cities solely for former public schoolboys wearing red jeans.

“I’m surprised nobody guessed before. Come on, Banksy is the most Brighton thing ever. Conversely, The Levellers are the most Bristol thing ever.

“We tried to throw people off with the West Country accent, made up on the spot by a drunk former mayor, but it was completely obvious. Even the first three letters are the same.”

He added: “I suppose we got away with it because everyone avoids places full of twats. That was our secret weapon.”