BRITAIN’S enthusiasm for firework displays is really about avoiding extortionate heating bills, it has been confirmed.
Researchers discovered that, rather than being excited about synchronised explosions, most attendees are actually looking forward to getting the feeling back in their extremities without laying awake worrying about money.
Zero-hours courier Sarah Smith, 33, said: “It’s not just the bonfire, there’s the body heat from the crowd too. What a treat.”
Nurse Tom Logan, 27, added: “I couldn’t give a shit about fireworks.
“I’d rather be at home watching Luther, but it’s so cold that I have to wear gloves and a hat inside. If getting warm means standing in the mud, in the dark, listening to people go ‘ooh’, that’s a small price to pay – and much better value than EDF.”
Both said that they would be leaving before the finale, however, as it would inevitably be soundtracked by Katy Perry’s Firework, like every display since 2010.