Britain Loves Orgasms

BRITAIN loves having orgasms and is currently enjoying the most intense and sustained feelings of genital pleasure since records began. 

The traditional French orgasm has become bogged down in state bureacracy

More than 70 per cent of people polled said they enjoyed a climax, with only a quarter saying it was a fuss about nothing, all of whom were either women or Liberal Democrats.

Favourite places to experience orgasm included on top of the neighbour's washing machine, the lower deck of the bus, and almost anywhere inside someone else's body.

Professor Bill McKay, Director of Getting It at the Institute for Men, said the orgasm had greatly increased in popularity in Britain after it was discovered it was not invented by the French.

He said: "Once it was proved that women could also experience this intense pleasurable feeling, and not just when they were on their own, the floodgates opened."

Dr Wayne Hayes, a leading sociologist, dated the change in attitude to the decline of religious authority in late 20th Century Britain.

He said: “It used to be that Sunday mornings involved getting out of bed and sitting in a draughty church listening to some hypocritical kiddie fiddler banging on about the evils of sex before marriage.

“Gradually we all realised you could stay in bed, have a coffee and then blow your muck up some enthusiastic blonde without your knob being struck by lightning.”

Nikki Hollis, Director of Getting It at the Institute of Women, said: “Are you in yet? You are? Oh, well that's just great then.”