BRITAIN continues to lead the world in noodle rehydration, it has been confirmed.“Just rejoice at that news”
As it emerged the countrys sandwich making days were over, experts insisted that capturing food between two slices of bread was the nutritional equivalent of a horse-drawn plough.
Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: A generation ago Britain had the foresight to realise that 21st Century food would be based on potted dehydration.
Thus we began to hone our skills in boiling, lifting and pouring. Meanwhile, because of communism, eastern Europeans still regarded the sandwich as cutting-edge and desirable.
Professor Brubaker stressed Britain is the only country to know exactly how much water to add initially and, crucially, how long to wait before topping up.
He added: Hungarian Pot Noodles are an exercise in watery chaos.
Prime minister David Cameron insisted that as long as Britain led the world in Pot Noodle it had no need of sandwiches or Europeans.
Holding up a perfectly rehydrated fork full of chicken and mushroom, he said: Leave us alone, you bloody savages.