BRITAIN’s ongoing economic turmoil could leave households unable to buy whatever they fancy, according to a new report.
Research by the Institute for Studies has found that rising inflation and stagnant wages could mean formerly comfortable households are no longer able to have the lovely things they like so much, like high quality muesli or throw cushions.
Professor Henry Brubaker said: “Many middle-income families are entering a new dark age where they will see things in the Sunday supplement and not be able to afford them right away.
“This will even include simple items, such as a tasteful artisan-crafted garden chair sourced from renewable forests or a retro 50s-style bread bin that oozes Mad Men chic.
“And it’s not like they can even save up for them, because we all know saving is only for demented pensioners and children who’ve just got their first piggy bank.”
He added: “If you’ve ever read The Road by Cormac McCarthy, this year’s going be a bit like that, except instead of eating dead babies we’ll be eating sandwiches we made ourselves.
“However the weather will be just as bad as in the book.”
Sales manager, Stephen Malley, said: “I’ve worked reasonably hard for most of my adult life and all I ask for in return is a big house full of the very latest gadgets, a new car every year, long holidays in hot countries, an enormous amount of golf and some cupcakes.
“If I can’t have those things I shall be forced to lie face down on my front lawn and scream.”
He added: “Sure, there are lots of people in the world worse off, but then they’ve never had nice things and yoghurts that are crunchy on top.
“So fuck them.”