Builder claims catcalling women on street is his 'private life'

A BUILDER has followed Boris Johnson’s example by defending sexually harassing women in public as part of his private life.

49-year-old Wayne Hayes claims standing on scaffolding shouting ‘Oi, big tits’ at passers-by is none of the public’s business, providing he does it during his breaks or lunch hour.

He continued: “Bozza squeezed that bird’s thigh at dinner. I shout ‘Come on, love, give us a smile’ and then when they look up ask if they want to suck my dirty cock. We’re both red-blooded males doing nothing wrong.

“Like that other politician said, how do you know your advances aren’t welcome until you’ve made them? Just because 20 years of yelling abuse hasn’t got me a single shag doesn’t mean it won’t work one day.

“And just because I choose to use my position in public to do so, it doesn’t mean other people can make negative judgements about me. My private life is private, even if I like to conduct it while standing above a busy street with the crack of my arse showing.

“Boris and I are very alike. I too would have banged that Yank lass even if she is a bit ropey. He’s a man of the people.”

Fellow builder Tom Logan said: “If I could push Wayne off this roof without getting caught, believe me I would.”

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Middle-aged Britain entering awkward leather jacket season

MIDDLE-AGED Britain is officially entering the season where it awkwardly wears leather jackets, it has been confirmed.

Across the country, people aged 40 or over are frowning at themselves in mirrors while wearing expensive leather jackets they are never sure they are pulling off.

Tom Booker of Croydon said: “The anxiety comes in terrible waves.

“I put my black leather jacket on as I was leaving the house and felt like a hip young thing, like an NME journalist or a biker strutting the streets like they were my catwalk.

“Then I saw a pathetic old dude in his, realised he was in fact my own reflection, and the rest of the walk became a skulk of shame hoping nobody I knew saw me pretending to be a rock star.”

Joanna Kramer, aged 46, said: “I spent £350 on this at All Saints because it made me feel like Sandy at the end of Grease, but I worry I look more like when I went to a fancy dress disco as Sandy from Grease when I was in year eight.”

The country’s awkward leather jacket wearers have been advised they need not worry about others staring at them as they are all too busy feeling awkward about their new hats.