Builders know you give them your shittiest mugs

BUILDERS and plumbers have confirmed that they know full well they are given the oldest and ugliest mugs for their tea.

The tradespeople agreed that it is offensive to single them out as incapable of handling the nice mugs, especially as they are far more skilled with their hands than the effete snobs employing them.

Electrician Wayne Hayes said: “You’re trusting me to wire the house so you don’t get electrocuted, but no way am I able to drink tea from your Orla Kiely mugs without shattering them. Pricks.

“I’ve got Wedgwood bone china at home. I collect porcelain Lladró figurines. But you see the dirty overalls and I’m drinking out of a heat-sensitive Star Wars mug that hasn’t been used since your Secret Santa awarded it last year. Thanks a lot.”

Bathroom fitter Steve Malley agreed: “I’m a person like you. I live in a house. Just because I don’t wear a tie to work doesn’t mean I’ll finish my tea then toss the mug carelessly over my shoulder, oblivious to where it lands.

“You’d give me a plastic sippy cup if you could, wouldn’t you? Patronising f**kers. This is why we overcharge you.”

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Man unsure if he's a left-wing Labour voter or a far-right racist

A NORTHERN man is undecided as to whether to back the most radically left-wing Labour party of his lifetime or a bunch of far-right hardcore racists.

Roy Hobbs, from Hartlepool, has voted Labour all his life but admits he is tempted by the Brexit party’s diametrically opposed political views.

He said: “I do like public services, the NHS, higher taxes on billionaires and more rights for workers. But I’m also drawn to abolishing the public sector, privatising the NHS, no taxes on billionaires and no rights for workers.

“I’ve got no problem with Eastern Europeans, including the ones who were so nice when my mum had a cancer scare, but I think they all need to be deported. Why can’t one party offer me both?

“Farage is definitely ahead on the xenophobia but then Corbyn’s anti-Semitic, which evens things out. I just can’t decide whether a Venezuela-style economic collapse or a no-deal national disaster is more me.”

He added: “We do need sustainable regional development in this area. But I think, when it comes down to it, I’ll probably vote against the gays.”