Burqas apparently biggest issue facing family of twats from Nantwich

ISLAMIC women’s clothing is somehow having a terrible effect on a white, mostly atheist family in Cheshire.

The Sheridan family are angry and upset about a small number of Muslim women wearing burqas, particularly when reminded by politicians and the media.

Mum Donna said: “You could wear a burqa to rob banks. It immediately draws attention to you and there are probably better disguises, but I can’t sleep at night for thinking about it.

“As a family we’ve got our own worries. It’s hard making ends meet and our son Mark can’t find a job after university, but these women wearing strange outfits in other places are making our lives hell.

“I worry that people might think they’re post boxes and put letters through the eye slot so they don’t get delivered. That’s never actually happened, but what if it was your car insurance?”

Daughter Jennifer said: “If everyone wore burqas I wouldn’t know if I was talking to my mum, a teacher or a paedophile. My GCSEs would be bound to suffer.”

Dad Steve Sheridan agreed: “It just doesn’t feel like your own country anymore when women aren’t showing plenty of flabby midriff in ill-advised lycra tops.

“We’re not racist because we worry about all sorts of religious clothing. I’m always fretting about vicars getting dangerously hot under their big cassocks.”

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Terrified middle Englanders 'would vote for Pol Pot over Jeremy Corbyn if they thought it would protect their house prices'

MOST middle Englanders are so terrified of Jeremy Corbyn they would happily vote for Cambodian despot Pol Pot, it has been confirmed.

The Institute for Studies found that nearly all middle Englanders who own their own property would vote for many of history’s greatest monsters as long as they thought it would not affect their house price including, Genghis Khan, Vlad the Impaler and Mariah Carey.

Terrified middle Englander, Mary Fisher said: “I know Pol Pot instigated Year Zero which lead to the deaths of millions of Cambodians, but this house is all we’ve got.

“Okay, we’ve also got savings, shares, pensions and a few other things, but this house is worth money and if that Corbyn got in charge, I think it would be worth less money.

“Is Idi Amin still alive?”