Bus driver only discriminates against people who do not have the exact fare

A BUS driver has confirmed that he welcomes passengers of all races, creeds and sexual orientations provided they do not try to pay with a note.

Following allegations of a gay couple being kicked off a bus for kissing, Bristol driver Tom Booker said his bus is for everyone, as long as they have the exact money for their fare and it is ready in their hand.

“My passengers are free to express themselves as they wish, provided they are respectful of others. I positively encourage diversity and a ‘rainbow tribe’ mentality aboard my vehicle.

“That is unless they want me to break a twenty, in which case they must fuck off.

“I actually keep a mallet under the seat for people who expect change.”

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Violent winds prompt everyone on flight to stare intently at the magazine

PASSENGERS on turbulent flights are pretending to read the in-flight magazine while inwardly shitting themselves.

As storms lash the UK, many flights are cancelled while many of those operating are very scary despite everyone acting like it is all fine.

46-year-old air passenger Norman Steele said: “When the plane is juddering violently and the hostesses are exchanging worried looks, I just pick up the slightly tattered magazine and read articles about vintage flea markets and Prague’s burgeoning cheese-making culture.

“Light, fun reading for people who definitely aren’t about to die.

“Only if you look closely will you notice my face has the pallor of pure terror.”