BRITAIN’S capitalist overlords are secretly orchestrating the trend for nutritious low-cost recipes.
Corporate chiefs hired Jamie Oliver and Jack Monroe to promote budget home cooking, which is the best way of keeping workers alive without paying them more.
Factory owner Denys Finch Hatton said: My workers could eat daube de poison for all I care, so long as they have enough energy to do their repetitive, dehumanising tasks.
If they develop a taste for the fancy, expensive food I enjoy theyll inevitably need more cash, which is where Jamie Oliver comes in.
His cheeky, h-dropping propaganda keeps wages low by convincing the slaves that eating gristly cuts of meat and flavourless courgette casseroles is somehow a good thing.
Call centre worker Tom Logan said: Im paid the minimum wage to waste my life in a dead-end job, so obviously when I get home Im desperate to be creative with ‘surprisingly tasty’ beans and pulses.
Similarly, I love spending my precious weekend scrabbling through the Whoops! shelf in the supermarket like the lowest bottom-feeder looking for bargains that I had no desire to eat in the first place.
Budget chef Jack Monroe said: Most people who follow my column in the Guardian have no idea Im in the pay of the CBI and eat roast snow leopard every night.