Friday, 4th December 2020

Cats unprepared for all the extra attention

THE UK’s cats do not know why their owners are suddenly home and getting all up in their faces during their quiet time. 

Cats around the country have confirmed that while they do sometimes like a stroke in the evening, during the day they have stuff to do and do not need the hassle.

Roy Hobbs, a five-year-old cat living in Wimbledon, said: “How long is this meant to last for? Because it’s already bugging me.

“I’ve got a back wall to walk along, I’ve got mice to catch, I’ve got a dump to take in the kids’ sandpit six doors down. I can’t stay here being petted all day.

“Get off me. Get off. It’s lovely that if there was one seat in the spaceship saving us all I’m getting it, but haven’t you got work to do?”

Neighbouring tabby Emma Bradford agreed: “You might not be able to go out, but I am. Stroke a cushion if you need comfort.

“Though it was nice of you to say if you died of the virus I could eat you. That really is the spirit of the Dambusters.”