Caviar scandal 'like a not very good parable'

CHEAPER caviar being passed off as high-end sevruga caviar probably amounts to a parable of some kind, it has been claimed.

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “Sevruga caviar is a luxury favoured by the disgustingly rich.

“But they were all duped, partly perhaps by their own vanity and arrogance.

“There’s a moral lesson for us all in there. Admittedly it would work a lot better if the fake fish eggs were ground-up tramps’ boots rather than caviar of a slightly lower quality, but anyway.”

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Apple fans queue overnight for tax avoidance scheme

APPLE’S diehard fans are queuing outside the company’s stores eager to snap-up the latest beautifully designed way of avoiding tax.

The device, unveiled during an expertly stage-managed Senate hearing in Washington DC yesterday, combines Apple’s iOS platform with an accountant who is a total and utter shit.

Chief executive Tim Cook said the new system was incredibly powerful, allowing massive companies to be avoiding tax within 10 seconds of switching it on.

He added: “This is all about the simplicity of the Cloud. For instance, you can put your profits in the Cloud and then put the Cloud in the Cayman Islands.”

Cook said Apple’s accountants had been inspired by legendary chief designer Sir Jonathan Ive and had developed a sleek, streamlined system that can make it look as if Sir Jonathan Ive does not actually exist.

Apple accountant Martin Bishop said: “We can use the device to make any multinational company look like a particularly unsuccessful part-time handy man.

“It’s like something out of science fiction.”

Cook said the scheme would be available from Apple stores from midnight tonight and will cost 20 million pounds and ninety-nine pence .