A CHILD who has been put on the naughty step to think about what he has done is instead planning how to destroy his parents utterly.
Five-year-old Tom Logan has gone through all the usual motions of stamping his feet and crying while plotting ways in which to wreak a whirlwind of vengeance.
He said: “They’ve put me on the bottom step for seven minutes to reflect on why I deserve punishment. Right next to where they keep the car keys. Fascinating.
“Or there’s Mummy’s secret packet of Marlboro Lights in her jacket pocket that I could pop on the hall table, or I could just reset the internet router. All with minimal effort.
“Other options include switching off the freezer, hiding under the stairs so they think I’ve been abducted, or simply having a quiet piss in a corner.
“It might seem a bit over the top, but your brain goes some really weird places when all you have for stimulation is Horrid sodding Henry and The Cat in the fucking Hat.”