Colleague traumatised by honest answer to trite, rhetorical question

A WOMAN has caused fear and panic in her workplace after answering the question “How are you?” with the truth.

32-year old marketing manager Emma Bradford took the drastic step after entering the office kitchen to make a cup of tea at the same time as colleague Stephen Malley.

Malley, 29, said: “I did what I always do when I end up in the kitchen with someone, which is stare at the kettle and mumble ‘How are you?’ in a way that doesn’t really invite a reply.

“Everyone knows the unspoken code of office conversation, but for some reason Emma didn’t just say ‘Yeah, fine thanks’ and then concentrate really hard on washing up her mug.”

Malley added: “I couldn’t believe it when she said she was actually feeling really down. I then made the mistake of looking her in the eye. She told me that she might be having an ‘existential crisis’. What’s that about?

“At this point someone came in so she stopped talking, but there was a really weird atmosphere in the room.

“It would have been less awkward if we’d been caught having sex.”

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Weirdo freak likes to leave office for lunch

A 32-YEAR-OLD is held in deep suspicion by his workmates for his bizarre habit of leaving the office for 40 minutes every day.

Tom Booker of Braintree refuses to either eat at his desk or use the office canteen, saying he “prefers to get some fresh air” which is universally seen as cover for some dubious activity.

Colleague Joanna Kramer said: “He goes to Tesco, he goes to Costa, he’s been seen eating crisps on a park bench like a homeless person or even often just walking.

“I’ve told him come to the canteen with us, we have a right laugh talking about everything that’s happened in the last three hours and they have Loose Women on the big telly you can’t turn off.

“He says it’s the only chance he gets to see sunlight during the day, but we have windows even if the blinds have to be closed because it reflects on Shawna’s monitor.”

Carolyn Ryan, Booker’s boss, said: “By leaving for lunch, Tom is implying that he is in some way separate from his occupation and that it is not somewhere he would voluntarily choose to spend all his time.

“He’ll have to go before he gives anyone ideas.”