DAVID Cameron has revealed that residents of demolished council estates will be re-housed in a vast network of underground tunnels.
The prime minister revealed plans to flatten ‘sink’ estates, claiming that they are a depressing environment compared to an exciting subterranean world under a Welsh mountain.
He said: “We need to take people out of these failing litter-strewn estates and let them feel the radiant warmth of the Earth’s core in their new cave-like home.
“Relocated to labyrinthine tunnel systems in a remote rural location, council tenants can scurry freely among wildlife, specifically rats and moles, while enjoying the fresh damp air.
“There will be ample burrowing work to keep them occupied, and at night the big wooden doors will be opened to allow them out to forage for mushrooms.”
“Over several generations the former tower block residents will lose all skin pigmentation, developing an aversion to sunlight as well as hunched posture from low ceilings.
“They will be happy in their tribal groups, while the tall slender surface people sit in big-windowed cafes chatting about podcasts and camper vans.”