Couple decide to stop being friends with people who rent

 

A COUPLE feel it is time to ‘move on’ from friendships with people who are not homeowners, they have revealed.

After buying a three-bedroom house, Martin Bishop and partner Emma Bradford have agreed that friends who still rent are sad, pathetic figures best consigned to the past.

Bradford said: “We had some great times with renting friends like Ellie, Carl and Tom, but we’ve got a new life now with our own boiler and a garage and they’re not part of that.

“When they talk about their rent going up or their landlord installing new blinds it just doesn’t mean anything to us. I suppose in a way I’m afraid they’re going to drag us down to their level.

“If they’re happy with their sad, limited little world of shared bathrooms and cheap Ikea-style furniture, fine, but there’s a better way to live, with gardening and constant DIY.”

Bishop agreed: “I feel sorry for my renter friends, but if we’ve got other homeowners over for drinks I don’t want them turning up and embarrassing me by not being on the property ladder.

“They all seem so immature to me now I’ve got serious responsibilities like whether to paint the back bedroom Willow Green or Mellow Mocha.”

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Russian troll struggling to be more bigoted than typical internet user

A RUSSIAN professional troll is finding it hard to be more bigoted than British online commenters who do it for free, he has revealed.

Despite being paid to stir up trouble on news websites, Alexander Petrov’s posts are never more furious and unhinged than genuine opinions on topics like immigration and the EU.

St Petersburg-based Petrov said: “My job is to post lies and propaganda to weaken Europe, but sometimes I wonder why I bother with all these twats spouting rubbish themselves.

“Yesterday I lied that the EU wanted uncontrolled immigration, but then ‘Wigan Lass’ posted ‘Nuke the Brussels NAZIS + every foreign shitehole then invent a disease that only kills the French!!!’ She got 280 ‘recommends’ and I only got 11.

“Today I was defending Putin by saying we need strong leaders, but when I got to Spectator comments I discovered they already love him, although he was ‘not as good as Hitler’.

“After that I thought ‘fuck it’ and claimed the Queen was going to start wearing a burqa. Lots of Daily Mail readers said ‘Nice one for telling the truth, mate’.

“I’m only doing this for the money and had hoped to visit the UK one day, but after finding out how many ignorant wankers live there I think I’ll give it a miss.”