Daley’s sexuality not remotely important, says Clare Balding’s gran

TOM Daley’s sexuality is not a particularly big deal for society or diving, Clare Balding’s gran has confirmed.

As the media sought frantically to convince you this was the 1950s, Clare Balding’s gran dismissed the coverage of the Olympic hero’s ‘coming out’ as the ‘inevitable result of newspapers that are lacking in self-confidence and hopelessly disconnected from their readers’.

Clare Balding’s gran said: “Commentators have an insatiable, almost childish desire for attention.

“This manifests itself in acres of over-wrought, continually self-justifying prose, as they try so desperately hard to make everything seem ‘important’.

“We each retain the basic human right to decide what is and is not significant to us, as individuals.

“We must not allow ourselves to be oppressed by the dictatorship of manufactured opinion.”

Clare Balding’s gran added: “Yes, I told Clare that I thought her relationship with Alice Arnold was ‘disgusting’, but she stormed off before I had the chance to explain.

“The truth is, I just don’t like Alice Arnold. When I hear her voice it makes me think of Radio Four and I loathe Radio Four.

“Self-satisfied, middle-class garbage.”

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Razzle 'more culturally significant than Playboy'

LEADING thinkers have questioned Playboy’s status as the world’s most culturally relevant pornographic magazine.

As Playboy marks its 60th anniversary with a Kate Moss photo shoot and mainstream media coverage, British academics have claimed that Razzle is superior on a number of levels.

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “Razzle never put a flimsy veneer of glamour on its pornographic content, preferring to use un-embroidered terms like ‘strumpets’, ‘boobs’ and ‘up for it’.

“At least there was no bullshit about ‘free speech’.”

“It is the top shelf equivalent of Ken Loach’s films, eschewing high production values to achieve a gritty social realism that might be described as ‘grimly compelling’.

“And it challenged ageism by having pictures of grannies in it.”

Razzle launched in 1983, but its 30th anniversary this year was not even acknowledged with a side panel in The Daily Mail.

Sociologist Tom Logan said: “The porno pre-eminence of Playboy is a form of US cultural imperialism.

Razzle is way better, especially if you like ladies with sideburns, which everyone does.”