A DEADBEAT uncle mistakenly believes he is a cool uncle, it has emerged.
Unemployed musician Wayne Hayes likes to think of himself as his nephews’ ‘cool, reckless, pot-smoking uncle’ despite them considering him their ‘unemployed, desperate, stale ale-smelling uncle’.
Hayes said: “I know the youngsters see me as this anarchic fun guy. After all, their dad’s a bloody miserable office drone bastard and he doesn’t wear biker boots or let them light fireworks like I do.”
Hayes’s nephew, Jack, 12, said: “The ‘cool uncle’ thing wore thin about three years ago.
“He’s fun for the first five minutes but then he tires himself out and he ends up falling asleep on the couch smelling like our kitchen does the day after Boxing Day.
“He doesn’t buy us fuck all either, which, being a kid, is all I really care about.”
Hayes’s other nephew James, seven, said: “Uncle Tom-Don’t-Lend-Him-Money is often asleep on the couch when Peppa Pig is on.
“We went to his house once and his bed is a sofa that folds out. I feel sad for him.”