Easter weekend looking like being a real pain in the arse

THE Easter weekend is looking like being a real pain in the arse for most people.

With everyone off work, the kids off school and humans clogging the streets and roads, millions of Britons face a long weekend of doing things they won’t enjoy.

Father Tom Booker said: “Easter means doing things with my wife and kids, and seeing the family and moving prams and talking to people.

“It seems like you get some time off work and they make you do things that are even less enjoyable.

Why can’t I just sit at home and get drunk? That’s all I really want to do with my life.

Rabbit Wayne Hayes added: “So on Easter Sunday can I just fuck anything?

Is that how it works? Because I’m not a big fan of chocolate eggs.”

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Bank of Mum and Dad bailed out by Bank of Nan and Grandad

THE Bank of Mum and Dad has had to call on assistance from its grandparent bank after a year of substantial losses.

Bank of Mum and Dad directors Roy and Sheena Hobbs helped their youngest child with a house deposit and then pissed away their remaining savings on cars and cruises, triggering a plea for emergency capital from the Bank of Nan and Grandad.

Roy Hobbs said: “Sheena fancies getting a couple of those expensive little labradoodles, and I need a new set of golf clubs and a front axle for the old Rover I’m restoring in the garage.

“We’ve agreed an emergency loan from the Bank of Nan and Grandad, on strict terms that we visit them every other week. But once we’ve got the cash that will go out of the window.”

He said: “Begging for money that your parents have worked hard to accumulate is what family is all about.”